The Triple Bind by Stephen Hinshaw, Ph. D.

Girls these days are under far more pressure than at any time previous in our society. Far from a double bind, they are now under a triple bind: Be pretty, sweet and nice, do the former "boy jobs" of being intelligent academically and athletic, and finish it all by appearing to do all the former without appearing to have to work or strive for it. Essentially, be perfect.

Sadly, most girls, if not all girls, find themselves unsuited to doing all three, but if they fall down on any of the jobs, they find themselves censured by their parents, their teachers, or even the other girls they hang out with. Even, most surprisingly of all, their boyfriends, who don't like being upstaged by girls who are smarter or more accomplished than they are.

The result? Girls are under more stress than at any other time, called upon to do impossible things and be perfect at all of them. The smarter girls know it isn't possible to do all those things perfectly, and feel the incredible strain that they are under, and realize that to be seen to be working at those things labels them in ways that they don't want to be labelled at. Not quite pretty enough? You're a wanna-be. Not quite smart enough? Nerd. Not quite outgoing enough? Snob. Don't have a steady boyfriend? Slut. And so on.

So what can we do to prevent girls from falling for this triple bind? How can we take the pressure off and take away the stigma for failing to be complete and perfect? Is there a way to do so? If there is, if there is a way to prevent girls from falling for the myth that they must be forever perfect and composed, it's going to take the parents and friends of those girls working together to make it work.

I grew up in the 70's, and I didn't have the triple bind that I can remember, growing up. Girls were expected to be pretty, yes, but perfect wasn't in the picture/ I can only see that things have changed since then, since smart/intelligent and athletic were nice, but not expected. I can't tell if or how much things have changed since then, since I'm generally not close to young girls any more, so I'm not quite convinced that the problem is all over as much as Dr. Hinshaw would have us believe.

It was interesting to see the view from a male, an outsider to the experience of girlhood and being a girl, but I'm not necessarily sure I agree with him and his conclusions. I do agree with some of his solutions, such as a large support network, but then, I think that all kids should have that anyway as opposed to it being a girl-specific remedy.

An intriguing book, but I'm just not completely convinced that girls are quite so set up to fail as he seems to think. YMMV.