Two to the Fifth, A Xanth Novel by Piers Anthony

Cyrus Cyborg, and his steed, Don Donkey, are headed to the Castle of the Good Magician Humphrey. Cyrus's father is a robot, and his mother is a Barbarian, and each has different ideas about what they want him to do with his life. His father wants him to become a leader of robots, while his mother wants him to carry off a wild barbarian wife, but Cyrus doesn't know what he wants, and he'll ask the Good Magician what it would be best for him to do.

On the way to the castle, he encounters a few women who wish to become actresses, and a woman named Tess Tosterone, who is pushy and mouthy. She tells him most men want to persuade women to lie with them, but Cyrus is so innocent that he doesn't know what she means. They end up spending the night together after Cyrus experiences some kissing, but all they do is sleep. The next day, he travels to the Good Magician's Castle and must pass the three challenges, which he does, and is told his wish is to become a playwright, and to make plays and entertain people. He suddenly realizes this is true, but the good magician gives him something he must do to pay for his answer: he must become good enough to be directed to give a command performance by Ragna Roc, a bird who believes he is as powerful as a God. Then, he must find some way to overcome the bird, whose magical power is to turn people into illusions who are like ghosts in their inability to touch or be touched. By demonstrating his power, he has convinced several villages to make him their supreme ruler, and the Good Magician is concerned as to what could happen should his influence continue to spread. He is powerful enough that even The Good Magician doesn't feel he could prevail against Ragna Roc.

But Cyrus will have help on his endeavours, in the form of Rhythm, one of the triplet sorceresses whose power squares when two of them play music together, and cubes when all three play together. Surely they will be powerful enough to defeat this interloper? But first Cyrus must get busy and craft plays with which to tour and find actresses and actors with whom to work. And to do that, he must craft his own writer's block, and infuse it with the power of a muse while in the dream realm.

Cyrus does so, and makes contact with Rhythm. However, he soon runs into a dilemma: all the actresses in the company are after him for themselves, and even Rhythm is experiencing a very un-childlike sort of interest in him. Cyrus is somewhat repulsed by this, as Romancing a 12 year old girl is something that goes directly against the Adult Conspiracy. Even so, he finds himself attracted to the Princess. Then she shares with him a story of working with time and aging a full ten years, only to regain her former age when she left the area, leaving her with a residue of adult feelings. Then, she transformes into an adult via a spell and pushes him into a love spring, and he is lost, falling fully into love with her instead of being halfway there.

But the spell backfires, summoning a stork and continuing to age her and her daughter, who she names Kadence. Kadence quickly grows into a six year old before Rhythm can halt the spell, and stays after Rhythm reverts to being a child herself again, as neither Cyrus nor Rhythm can bear to put a child of theirs into non-existence. But this has other consequences as well. How will they explain this child? and what will happen to them when the forces of the Adult Conspiracy find out? For that matter, what will happen when other adults find out? Cyrus tries to put off these fears while continuing to work on his plays, and his story of forbidden love goes on to find its way into his work.

Finally, with three plays under their belt, Cyrus and his company begin touring and even visit the Curse Friends to show off their plays, which are wildly successful. So successful that the company stays with him as he takes off for the villages controlled by Ragna Rok. But can Cyrus and his company resist joining Ragna Rok and his harem of female roks and human (and other) followers? Will Cyrus be persuaded to join by being able to love Rhythm openly and freely inside the bounds of Ragna Rok's lands? And can he figure out the "Two to the Fifth" clue that holds the clue to defeating Ragna Rok once and for all?

I liked this book, though I was made more than a bit uncomfortable by the Romance plot between Cyrus and Rhythm. Yes, technically he was only two years old, thus being even younger than her, but he was assembled an adult, which made him an adult under the rules of the Adult Conspiracy (intended to protect children from knowing about sex and other adult topics until they actually become adults. And despite the contortions the book went through to show us that Rhythm was more or less an adult because of the ten years she experienced working with time, after which she reverted to her more childish-aged body, often strained my credulity a bit too far. I suppose this may have been the author's condemnation of the way kids nowadays grow up too fast, exposed to the ideas of sex and other adult things early and how it causes them problems later on in life, but it just made me feel uneasy. And in the end, both characters are punished for it, but not in a way that seems much like an actual punishment.

As for the rest of the story, Ragna Roc himself barely seems to come into it, as he doesn't appear until fairly late in the book. It's almost as if he was thrown in as an afterthought, and his plans and defeat weren't as integral to the book, making it a less than successful story for me. Once again, a bit too much attention was given to how often Cyrus and Rhythm made an ellipsis (...}, and was much more indicative of real sex as opposed to the "Cuddle close and summon the stork" route seen in earlier books. I don't know if this is an indication that Piers Anthony is tired of the whole thing and thus less likely to sugarcoat aspects of Xanth, or if he's simply turning into a dirty old man, as some people I know seem to think, but it was rather disturbing to me. At least the puns are still there, but don't take attention away from the somewhat distasteful aspects of the story.

This story had more problems than I am used to seeing or reading about in a Xanth book, but I will read others in the series. I'm just not looking forward to them as much as I am used to.